Forgive and Forget

Sorry for the delayed post. I’ve been busy/sick and time’s gotten away from me. Go figure.

Speaking of time..what an interesting concept. It’s crazy to me the number of moments I vividly remember thinking “this moment is going to become a memory soon.” And, here I sit, remembering those memories. Hm. Crazy.

Time is such a silly notion, really. It’s a made-up concept that humans lives revolve around. Time wouldn’t even exist if we hadn’t thought of the notion so long ago (such an interesting subject, and the focus of many debates). Yet now it’s something that constantly consumes our thoughts. What time is it? When do I have to go to that meeting? How many days/weeks/months until this major event? What year did that happen? How much time do I have left?

Time. Something that means so little, yet so much all at once. It’s as if time is constantly measuring different aspects of our lives.

They say time heals everything. Well, I’d really like to know who “they” are and what made them so all-knowing to make such an assumption. There are several articles I’ve read that have made cases on the contrary.

In a way, this is true. Plenty of things have happened in my life that I’ve thought I would never stop thinking about. People and events I thought would be so important or devastating in my life that I would never be able to forget. And, for awhile, that’s true. You think about those things, whether positive or negative, until one day you realize you haven’t thought about it in awhile. And then one day you realize it’s been a long time since you’ve really thought about that thing. Suddenly, it fades away, as if it hasn’t even happened at all, and it doesn’t even really cause the joy or pain it once did.

At the same time, however, this is not exactly true. One of the above articles says it’s what you DO with the time that passes that allows for healing. I would definitely have to agree with this. If you sit around dwelling on things of the past, it does not provide for a healthy future. That’s it; it’s the past. It’s been done and cannot be changed. What can be changed, however, is what you are doing to move on.

It is so much easier for us to point the fingers at others who have done us harm and to see ourselves as victims rather than count the numerous things we have done to hurt others. Forgiveness, of both ourselves and others, is one of the first steps towards moving on and creating that healthy future. Not to say that forgiveness is a quick and easy fix, but it’s definitely a start. Forgiveness is a process. It’s a way of deciding what’s more important, whether that be harboring hateful feelings or patching things up and moving forward.

But, there’s a second part of that equation; forgive and forget. That’s the part that always seems the hardest. But, honestly, when you decide that something is worth forgiving someone for, isn’t it kind of obvious that you should then not have to think about what it was that they even did in the first place?

The answer is yes. As I’ve mentioned above, sometimes time does heal those wounds. The passing of time and creating new memories, happy memories, replaces the negative ones. Eventually, it won’t constantly be on your mind, and it won’t even hurt as bad to remember when it is brought back up.

Point of this post: when something negative in your life happens that you don’t think you will ever stop thinking about, think instead of healing. Choose the lighter path. Choose forgiveness, even when it seems to be a hard choice, because everyone is human and makes hurtful mistakes. Choose forgiveness, and the forgetting will (eventually) follow suit. It may be a decision you have to make every day for awhile, but eventually it becomes second-nature. Choose happiness.

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