One year.

It’s pretty incredible how much can change, yet simultaneously remain the same, in the span of one year.

It’s been one year, as of yesterday, that my grandmother passed away, and one year today that I learned the news. It seems like it’s been longer in some aspects, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

I had the “good fortune” (doesn’t seem like a fitting description, but words are failing me) to be there with her for her last day here on Earth. Our last words exchanged were that we loved one another, leaving not much room for regrets or anything left unsaid.

Regardless of the situation, it’s never easy to lose a loved one. However, in reflection, I am thankful that I was able to have that closure. She is the second grandparent I have lost, and so far I have been lucky in that, with both losses, I have had closure. Not everyone is able to have that when family members pass on.

I suppose this post is not just to commemorate the loss of my grandmother, but to recognize the role that losing a family member/loved one plays in life. It is a necessary evil that we all as humans have to face at some point. When it is a family member who you’re very close to, it can be even harder to process; but even if it’s not the closest relationship, letting go is never easy.

Unfortunately, at 25, I am now at an age where I don’t have much longer to enjoy the company of the grandparents I have left. My paternal grandfather died 14 years ago (as of January of this year), and my paternal grandmother one year ago. I am so thankful that I have both maternal grandparents, as well as two step-grandparents, that I can still spend time with; all are suffering health-wise, however, and I am coming to terms with the fact that they will not be around in my life much longer.

Though they may not physically be present, the lasting memories we have created and the lessons learned from them will stay with me forever. I am a firm believer that “the ones that love us never really leave us,” to quote one of my favorite films (Harry Potter). I know that even though I can no longer see or hear them, I carry them with me in spirit. Even through the times where I fight with accepting their physical absence, that thought can offer some solace.

With death and grief comes lessons; I have learned that I am strong enough to survive losing a loved one, even though the pain can be devastating. I have learned that I need to hold on to the loved ones I have left and cherish the time I have with them every day, whether it’s with a phone call, a visit, or just a kind thought. I have learned that it’s an ongoing process and it ebbs and flows; sometimes grief rears its ugly head when you least expect it, and sometimes you go days without feeling it. But most importantly, I’ve learned that it is manageable. I have been able to connect with others through learning of their own losses, and through discussing my own losses open and honestly. Human connection is one of the most important things, and being able to help others through their own grief is something that can even help to ease your own.

Sorry if this was a somewhat scatterbrained and therapist-like post; but it has helped me to write it. This is my personal blog, after all 😉


Now and then

So, I kind of suck at this whole updating my personal blog more than once every month or more. My apologies to those of you who read this; it’s kind of a process I’m learning!

Anyway. I’ve had this idea for a blog post for awhile, and something I read on the internet tonight reminded me why I am writing this post again. (Thank you, bestie, for bringing that awesome article in to my life, by the way. Totally fed into my nostalgic tendencies).

A few months ago, I was watching the 90s movie “Now and Then”. For those of you who haven’t seen it, read the synopsis here (but don’t read spoilers!). Pretty fantastic childish-yet-simultaneously-still-relevant movie.

Basically, to me, that movie served the purpose of causing me to think about my own childhood and compare it to that of the group’s childhood experience, and frankly, it kind of sucked for me.

In the film, the four children lived in the same neighborhood. They grew up riding bikes together throughout town, spending their days outdoors together and getting into miscellaneous adventures. They experienced adolescence together, experienced boys and some adult concepts, and faced the reality of growing up in a non-perfect world. They reunited years later, after they were all adults living their own lives in different locations, not having kept in contact very well over the years. They reconnected, reminisced, and rekindled their friendship. Overall, they realized that they needed each other then, and they still need each other in their lives as adults

Such a beautiful thought.

As I said, the movie caused me to re-examine my own childhood and the impact that growing up in the time period I did had on both my childhood and my adult life.

First of all, all of you will know that I am an only child by now (and if you don’t, then you are clearly a newcomer to my blog – welcome to my ramblings!). I grew up in a household where my parents were very hands-on parents, but I also had to entertain myself. I didn’t have the luxury of a sibling, annoying or normal, growing up under the same roof that I could pester. Sure, my cousins grew up down the street from me – but they were 5 and 6 years old, and the age gap didn’t allow for us to really have a super close relationship. When I was young, I was “too young” and the “annoying girl that followed them around.” Then, when I was reaching my pre-teens and early teens, they were graduating high school and we’re definitely too cool to hang around someone my age. Other than them, though, I didn’t really have neighbors my age that I could play with often.

I think this lack of neighborhood unity, specifically for me, caused me to miss out on the experience of socializing and gaining closeness with the children in my neighborhood. I had friends that lived a few streets over that I could play with, but due to the structure of where I lived, I couldn’t just walk or ride my bike over to their homes. Play dates had to be pre-planned, and playing outside in the street was something NO ONE in my neighborhood could do often.

Pretty unfortunate, if you ask me.

I spent a large chunk of my time reading, playing outside with my parents (no, I’m not embarrassed to admit that), and yes – playing on the computer.

Now, growing up this way wasn’t all bad. No, I wasn’t the typical spoiled only child, but I was showered with attention and affection. I learned how to be alone (kind of), and I was able to entertain myself however I wanted, whenever I wanted – no sharing, yay!

I had the opportunity to grow up in the era of technological growth, while still experiencing some of the aspects of life “before technology.” I learned to appreciate not COMPLETELY relying on technology, while also getting to witness the development of AIM, online games, and the invention of social media.

I would say that is pretty darn unique. And that is something that us 20-somethings take for granted, in my opinion.

As much as I am grateful for witnessing such a integral part of history, I also yearn for the simple pleasures of growing up in the “old days.” Part of me wishes I didn’t use technology so much in my youth; as much as it has been a value in my life, I also know that it has created some negative habits in many of us 20-somethings, myself included.

At times, it’s hard for me to look back on my youth and imagine/remember what it was like prior to relying on technology to do everything for me.

Part of writing this blog for me is my own personal therapy; I know that my childhood is my own experience, and obviously nothing I say or do can ever change that. However, I need to learn to stop comparing my own experiences to those that I see on movies, on television, or even those that I hear from people who grew up in different generations than myself.

It’s somewhat hard, knowing that I missed out on a childhood lifestyle that seemed so much neater than my own.

But I do have to say, growing up in-between a time where technology was a privilege and a time where technology is undervalued, and seeing the transformation? Totally irreplaceable.

Back to the future

Hello, fellow bloggers, I’m back! At least that’s the plan…it’s been quite awhile since I last blogged. So, quick re-cap:

1. After my grandmother passed away, it was kind of a hard time. Living here in Kansas, very close to where she grew up and grew her roots, I was (and still am) often reminded of her absence.

2. I started a weight loss journey called 21 Day Fix Extreme and actually succeeded! For that time…I made a transformation that I could notice, and I was super proud of myself knowing that I stuck with it for 3 weeks without fail! It was so motivating, yet…somehow didn’t last. And the weight struggle continued..

2.  Mid-July, I was let go, once again, from a job I had for less than a year. I think it hit me hard because it was a job I liked, with people I really liked. In the end, though, it really wasn’t the best fit for me. They didn’t have the funds or room for a position for me in that company, and I was the youngest person in the office, so it was not a place for me to flourish and make personal relationships whatsoever. I think it happened for the best, but it was still pretty awful to realize that once again, for the second time in a row, I was without a job right around my birthday, and I was turning a quarter-century old. Cue the movie scene of that young girl walking in the cold, pouring rain, no umbrella…yeah, you get the picture. Disheartening to say the least.

3. Never fear, I found a new job!!! Woo! And this time it was BEFORE my birthday! Don’t want to reveal TOO much about it, but let’s just say that I found a company that had a TON more people my own age, a larger office, opportunity for advancement, etc. Not exactly my dream job, but I met some new friends and it has been pretty good!

Now, fast-forward to today. I have been in my job for a couple of months, only out of training for a little over one month. My apartment lease with my boyfriend starts on Dec. 1, and we are very excited! Still, I find myself not very happy with myself.

I can’t really explain in words why I have so much trouble with dieting. Maybe it’s just because I, like most human beings, just really enjoy food? But that obviously can’t just be it. Maybe that combined with a slow-ish metabolism, the fact that I crave sweets and fatty foods quite often, and the fact that I just don’t have that great of self-control apparently. Yeah, that probably explains it.

It’s really time that I change that, though, I am getting ready to be in a friend’s weddin and I am HORRIFIED at myself. I am currently at the heaviest I have ever been, and I am honestly miserable.

I realize I have posted like this before, made declarations to devote myself to a healthier lifestyle and that I am “changing for the better,” what have you.

Well, now I REALLY mean it.

I am human, however. Maybe this timeI should go ino my journey realizing tht I will make mistakes, I will fall, and I will have bad days.

But I also have a support system that will help me.

That’s where you come in, my friends.

Some days will be easier than others for me to eat better and focus on my workouts. Some days will NOT. On those days, I ask those of you who know me to PLEASE offer words of encouragement and advice. It wold be most appreciated.

Now, some of you may be wondering, why on earth did she name this post ‘Back to the future’?

The answer is simple: It is time for me to get BACK in the habit of preserving myself, my health, my well-being, for the FUTURE. The future is unknown and not promised; but I can tell you that I will look back on these 4 years of weight loss struggle, and I will feel shame and guilt. I will realize that I should have been MUCH more attentive to my health and my well-being, and that I should have taken care of ME.

It’s never too late.


So, I have been MIA for quite awhile. I realize I made a goal to blog more, but it has been a little difficult. Since I last blogged, a whole slew of things has happened.

My last update was on February 9. February 6, however, something happened that I wasn’t ready to update on because it was something I knew would take a lot of my time and energy, and I wasn’t ready.

Friday, February 6, I received two pieces of news back-to-back that kind of hit me hard. The first piece of news was that my uncle had passed away. The second piece of news was that my grandmother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and was not given much longer to live.

Two blows to the heart. I can’t lie and say that my uncle who passed was my favorite uncle, and that it devastated me to learn of his passing. To be honest, his relationship with our family was very interesting, to say the least. Regardless, it saddened me to hear of his passing.

Learning of my grandmother’s diagnosis, however, was very hard for me. Throughout my childhood, my relationship with my grandmother was not as close as it was to other family members. I remember helping her to set the table at every family gathering at her house, and that my favorite part was getting to ring the dinner bell, hung in the door frame leading to the dining room. We celebrated lovely Thanksgivings, Christmases, Easters, and other family gatherings at her home. They were relatively formal. My grandmother was not a very touchy-feely person, and as a child, I didn’t really “play” much with her.

Growing up, our relationship changed, especially in the last couple of years with her health issues. She became someone I enjoyed talking to. I no longer needed toys or trips to the park to be entertained; simple conversation was enjoyable to me, and I liked spending time with her, regardless of what we did.

In the last weeks of her life, I spent more time with her than I ever did before. I truly think it was an act of God that called me to move to Kansas in November; I now live 10 minutes from where her house is, and this made it much easier for me to go visit her. As her health began to rapidly fade, our talks grew a little shorter. Regardless, I realized how much I enjoyed just being there, in her home, spending time with her. Despite the lack of a touchy-feely type of grandmotherly love, I knew without conviction that my grandmother loved me in the best, and only, way she knew how.

Several memories were made in those last few weeks that I will never forget. Making beef stroganoff while she gave me verbal instructions in the living room, helping her to navigate her home, laughing with her, being there for her…these are things I won’t ever forget. On one of her last good days, I looked at her and told her I loved her. She looked back at me and told me she loved me, too. These are the last words that were exchanged between us, and boy, am I grateful they were.

The last day that she lived, she was not very aware, and she slipped into the death process. Watching someone die is extremely painful; you want them to not have to struggle, and you know that they are no longer the person they were, but you still wish you had more time to say goodbye. That’s the funny thing about time – there never seems to be enough of it when you need it.

Though it was extremely hard to witness, I am glad that I was there. A hospice nurse had come to visit the family and to be with us during this difficult time. Something she said truly resonated with me. As we sat there, holding my grandmother’s hand, she said, “You know, everyone thinks it’s such a blessing to be there when someone is born, at the beginning of life, but no one really thinks about how much of a blessing it is to be with someone at the end of their life.”

It took me a second, but it clicked.

Life is made of fleeting moments; fleeting moments with loved ones, fleeting moments of happiness, fleeting moments of heartache and trials…fleeting moments that add up to a whole lifetime. At the end of all those fleeting moments, it is truly special to be with someone as they experience their last, as they make their journey to the other side. Not only is it special to them, knowing they are surrounded by the ones they love, but it is special to those present, to be able to provide a level of comfort and joy in those last moments.

I miss my grandmother because I know that we weren’t done. There was so much about her that I never learned, so many things I wish we could have done together, or talked about. But, I know, deep in my heart, she is still with me. We may not have had the closest relationship out of my family members, but to me, she will ALWAYS be someone I loved deeply.

I love you, grandma. I will be seeing you again.

Not sure what to call this one.

So, 2015 has reared its head and come in like a roar in my life. SO many things have happened already, and it’s only February.

It’s too clichĂ© to keep calling things “new beginnings,” but I truly have started a new chapter in my life lately.

So, for many of you that know me, you know that I typically am not interested in sales in any way, shape or form. I have politely gone to Mary Kay parties, politely declined invitations to join their team, etc. For some reason, however, the Jamberry opportunity stuck out to me.

As someone that has had short fingernails and a BAD habit of biting them for most of my life, I am as shocked at this as anyone. How on earth is a nail product something I would be the most interested out of the plethora of other independent consultant-type roles with make-up and jewelry companies? My jewelry collection could rival quite a few women’s’, I suspect. But I was never really one to care a ton about my hands.

Jamberry, however, has been one of the best decisions I have made this year, if not THE best.

It started with me attending a Facebook party hosted by one of my friends. I had been ignoring these “online Jamberry party” invites for the most of several months, and even threw away one of the samples I received in the mail (silly me). It wasn’t until this party, however, something made me decide to try the product. I received my sample and tried it, and I genuinely loved the product. It seemed to work for me.

I was hooked from there.

It wasn’t long before I bought myself a few of the products, and joined the Jamberry team in January of this year. I have been a consultant for almost one month (my anniversary is Friday!), and I have already learned SO MUCH about myself in the process. It has truly been amazing.

I have learned that, while it is a lot of work, I have the capability of doing this part-time. I was gifted with a personality that thrives while being around other people.

I have learned that I can be passionate and talk about a product I truly love without sounding overly-pushy.

I have learned that sales skills are actually something I somewhat possess, even though I NEVER thought I did.

Jamberry has become a part of my daily life. I wake up every day looking forward to working with my team, who I consider close friends. I love pushing one another to do better, and celebrating our triumphs together. Honestly, this has been one of the best parts of my year so far.

Side note: For those of you who have NO idea what Jamberry is, or would like to learn more, I encourage you to comment on here and I will be happy to enlighten you! Also, my website is

I’m not going to lie, there have been some other great parts of this year; growing in my relationship with my boyfriend being one, and gaining some great friends. There have been some negatives, also: losing some friends I didn’t think I would, and family tragedies, to name a few.

That’s the funny thing about life. While you may have so much joy and happiness in one area, there may be so much sadness and tragedy in another area.

I will update on the topics I touched on above, but for now, I think I’m going to leave you all in suspense 😉

Out with the old, in with the new.

At the end of every year, as is typical for most people, there comes this period of reflection and excitement. Obviously, reflection upon the past year; all the ups, downs, twists and turns that came with it. And then there’s excitement for the year ahead, shrouded in mystery with a seemingly endless supply of opportunities.

As I look back on 2014, I realize that so many things happened. It passed, as is common for me to say at the end of every year, “in the blink of an eye,” it seems. With every experience that stands out for this year, of which there are many, I think I gained some insight, learned some lessons, and questioned so many other aspects of life that will (hopefully) be answered in years to come.

For this entry, I think I will pick out the most pivotal and meaningful events and explain what I realized for the first time, realized once again, or have yet to learn, from each one.

1. Long Distance Sucks
Can I get an amen on that please? But seriously. Trying to maintain a relationship through distance is difficult. Though my boyfriend and I were not as far apart as other couples I have known to be in long distance relationships, it was still difficult. But, we were able to get through it together, thankfully. LOTS of ups and downs came from this. The prevailing message that I think of, though, is that if someone is worth the effort, and if you care about the person enough, you will make it work.

2. Never Take People For Granted
With the loss of my best friend’s mother WAY too soon, I was reminded that nothing in life is permanent. Everything in this life is fragile; people, things, relationships…if you don’t cherish everything in the moment, you could lose it in the blink of an eye. Life is fleeting. Make sure to be honest, laugh loud, love hard, tell people how you feel and live like every day is your last. ClichĂ© as it is, I try to live by this as much as possible. Sometimes, though, life gets in the way, and we aren’t reminded again until tragedy strikes.

3. Breakdown
Anxiety is something I have always been familiar with. It has been a natural part of my life for as long as I can remember, to be honest. It wasn’t until earlier this year, however, that I realized how much it affected my day-to-day life. Through a series of events, I came to realize just how important close family and friends are to our survival. I realized that the human brain is one of the most complicated, confusing and misunderstood things, and that no two people are exactly alike. I realized therapy is NOT just for crazy people, and that sometimes just talking with someone trustworthy is beneficial in ways beyond our comprehension.

4. The Return Home
I learned you are never too old to return home. It’s as simple as that, really.

5. Unemployment
Sometimes life knocks you down, hits you where it hurts, and reminds you that you are only human. I learned that sometimes doors close so that bigger, better ones can open; Comebacks are possible; God wouldn’t give us more than we can handle. Basically, I learned a lot from this.

6. Relationships are HARD WORK
Seriously. My relationship with my boyfriend has been difficult throughout the nearly 2 years we have been together. For some reason, it seems that this year was a big example of relationships requiring compromise, change, and sometimes even ultimatums. No human being is perfect, and no one is your ideal match. Both parties must work together in order for the relationship to continue to work. There is no “cookie cutter” perfect relationship, and no two relationships are the same.

7. Being An Adult Is Hard Work, Too
Now, I’m still learning what it means to be an adult. I have been for a couple years now. Transitioning from college student to full-time adult has been a long and tough process for me! Deciding the kind of life you want to lead as an adult, where you want to settle down (or if you even want to settle down) are all choices my peers and I will constantly be faced with. We will change our minds several times over the course of our lives, and we will constantly discover new things about ourselves through these journeys. It has been hard for me to accept this, and I have felt stressed to know my answers to these questions for quite awhile. I am constantly learning, however, that I will discover these answers in due time. I need to be patient and not stress myself out. Easier said than done, though, but a lesson I will continue to learn, nonetheless.

I’m sure there are other things I have learned in my year, because so much has happened. I have grown as a person this yea. Regardless of what events I may not have included, everything has helped me to become the person I am today.

I am so excited to see what I learn in 2015. Maybe I’ll finally discover the meaning of life…but probably not. 🙂 That’s okay, I’m perfectly content with learning everything one step at a time. Happy (almost) New Year, everyone!

Part 4: The (second) new beginning.

I decided to shorten the number of “parts” in my story. My first idea was to make part 4 a longer, more in-depth discussion of the unemployment era. I really think, though, that I have droned on about that long enough. Life has too many negatives in it as it is, no need for me to dwell on them.

So. To recap: I moved back to KC, I got a new job, I was let go right before my birthday and I was unemployed for a little over a month and a half.

During that month and a half, I spent countless hours searching for jobs and sending my resume to God knows how many companies. To say it was frustrating would be a bit of an understatement. I did not actually count the number of jobs I applied for, and I didn’t count the limited number of responses I received from my efforts, I will say this: the ratio of applications to responses/interviews was extremely one-sided. I’d probably give a rough estimate of about 30:1. That’s still probably not even right.

The job market out there is extremely sad, folks. Let me tell you: I applied for a slew of job types; assistant, HR, PR, communication, sales…. the list continues. I tried to stick to mostly entry-level positions. And you know what? Almost every entry-level position that I managed to contact said that I “wasn’t qualified enough” and “didn’t have enough experience” for the job. Seriously? Entry-level? Since when did entry-level positions require 3-5 years of experience? Am I missing something here? See, to me, entry-level means just that; a job that does not require previous experience after the applicant has graduated college. Even then, I did have a full year of experience working at a newspaper. So you’re really going to tell me that I didn’t have enough experience to qualify for an entry-level position?

I could write a whole blog entry on the job market alone, and how picky employers are when even looking for “entry-level” positions. At this point, what does a college degree even matter if it’s really 3-5 years of experience that is required prior to getting an entry-level position? But, I can save that discussion for a later date. Regardless of my frustrations, of being told that I was not qualified enough, of being told I was interviewing for one position when in reality I was interviewing for something entirely different, I managed to find a job that actually sounded interesting.


After two interviews, and despite showing up to the second one on crutches (stupid ankles..), I managed to land a position as a law firm assistant. And as I am in the fifth week of my employment, I can say that waiting was definitely worth it. I love this job SO much more! The environment, the people, the work, all of it is so much better for me. I actually feel like I fit in somewhere. And it is something I never really pictured myself doing.

Sometimes you find answers in the least likely of places. When I chose to double-major in Journalism and Justice Systems, I really had no idea I would use the latter degree in my career. I envisioned myself sticking with journalism my whole life.

Kinda funny how things hardly ever turn out the way we expect them to. We all like to plan for the future, thinking we know or expect more about our futures than we really do. Life continuously throws you curves, both good and bad, and you realize that the unknown is truly out of your control. Brings to mind the phrase, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.”

So far, surviving this major let down in my life has led to something better than I expected. I’ll take it. And I would relive it all over again 🙂

Part 3: It can only go up from here.

So, this is going to be a hard entry for me to write.

Not hard in that it’s emotionally difficult to think about, or that I don’t know what I want to say about it; I have plenty to say on the matter. It’s a matter of explaining how I felt without disclosing too much detail to avoid backlash.

Hmm. I guess I’ll try.

Well. I left off last post with my birthday weekend and how it was a difficult weekend to get through. What I didn’t reveal about that is how my birthday weekend got even worse. (Yeah, it’s possible.)

I’m not going to throw my boyfriend under the bus. I know plenty of people who read this know him and I very well, but no one needs to know the specific details of our relationship outside of the two of us. Every relationship is different. We have times when life is amazing together, followed by “rough patches” of being irritated/annoyed with one another, picking fights over small things, arguing, etc., just like every other couple on the planet, and we still love each other.

What sucks, however, is when the rough patches happen in the midst of other life-altering events.

For him, I think, seeing me so upset after losing my job and dealing with some other personal issues all at one time was hard for him. I was quite emotional and depressed, to be frank. Of course, in the almost-year-and-a-half we had been together at that point, we had seen our fair share of ups and downs and gotten through them together. This was just a whole different level. Instead of promising to work through it, we somewhat drifted. I was frustrated at him for his lack of understanding and he didn’t understand how to handle my emotions.

It was a very trying period on our relationship, and I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it.

On top of thinking I was about to lose someone I really love, I also had a falling out with a close friend. Again, I do not want to disclose too much information and throw anyone under the bus, and I will not mention names. However, when I lost my job, living arrangements were severely altered, causing a major rift in that relationship.

All I can really say about that it, sometimes two people can’t ever see the situation in the same light. The phrase, “there are two sides to every story,” is the absolute truth.

I wish I could say relationships, whether between friends or between couples, are easy and effortless. They are not. The weeks after my birthday definitely showed me that. I learned that sometimes the people we love are the ones that can disappoint us the most. I learned that every relationship has high points and low points. I learned that both parties have to work together to make things work. I learned that sometimes, certain events can cause harm to relationships that may never be fully reversible.

Obviously my boyfriend and I are still together. That’s the great thing about the “rough patches”; when two people care enough to get through them, it builds strength in their bond. I’m not going to end on some “love conquers all” cheesy note. But truth be told, it does feel great when obstacles can be overcome. My friend and I are still working on mending things, and I know that will take time. But, after overcoming my birthday weekend and the month and a half of unemployment/disappointment/turmoil that followed, things really did start to look up.

That’s one of life’s blessings. It is constantly moving, up and down, all different directions, and you have no idea where it will lead you next 🙂

Stay tuned to find out! 😛

And I will ALWAYS be Royal.

Taking a break in my life story update to discuss current events that were just too important to wait to discuss.

The past few weeks of the 2014 MLB Post Season have honestly been a dream. Many have called us a “team of destiny”, breaking records while sweeping our way through to the World Series. For me, it’s just been an amazing journey to be a part of. For the first time in my life, my team finally showed me I hadn’t been rooting for them for no reason.

The weeks leading up to the World Series showed me what it means for Kansas City fans to truly come together. Everywhere I went, I saw countless Royals car flags, businesses and homes withy decorations supporting the Royals and people wearing their Royals gear. I had strangers come up to me and we bonded over our love of the Royals and how amazing it has been to be a part of this journey.

Really, Kansas City fans are just the best. We are some of the most loyal and dedicated fans you will ever find, because we are not in it for the winning records. The Chiefs have only won one Super Bowl, the Royals have made it to two World Series Championships (winning one of them), and Sporting KC…well, they’re actually pretty damn good. I’m just not a huge soccer fan, so I haven’t been paying much attention…oops.

Anyway. Us fans are used to being teased and tormented for rooting for “losing” teams. And you know what? We’re okay with that. We are not fair-weather fans. After years of witnessing the Royals miss playoff after playoff, we finally had something to celebrate.

I can honestly say we played our hearts out last night. It was a tough loss for me to witness, but we did nothing but our absolute best. It was an amazing World Series, an amazing journey, and we should be proud. We beat all the odds that were stacked against us, proving sports announcers and sports journalists wrong with their predictions. We swept our way through the ALCS and beat some records in the meantime. How can we be anything BUT proud?!

Despite feeling so much respect, however, I couldn’t help but feel sad. As I sat watching the Royals game in a local bar/grill, I sobbed like a baby while my friend patted my back. A stranger came up to give me a hug and told me that we will always have this postseason to remember, and countless others asked me if I was okay. For the moment, I wasn’t. I cried for the players, who worked so hard and who deserved that crown. I cried for us fans, who have put so much time and energy into devoting ourselves to this postseason and who watched our dreams shattered.

After a short while, I began to type up my feelings, which is typical for me when no pen and paper are handy. Excuse the rant, because I had a few beverages in my system, but this is what I wrote:

“You know, I’ve been a diehard Royals fan for a long time now. Obviously I’m disappointed in tonight’s results, but I will say this. I am no fair-weather fan. This is the first time our team has made it to the playoffs, and the World Series, in 29 years. Clearly I’m not in this because we’re a team heavily stocked with trophies. I’m a fan because our players are truly something special, and they choose to play for the Royals because of their love for the game. I respect that. The members of our team are truly talented individuals that have so much potential and so much in store for them. This post season has been nothing short of amazing. Should we have won tonight? Abso fuckin’ lutely. Not only did the players work their asses off to deserve it, but the fans deserved it too. Royals fans are some of the most loyal in the MLB. We are the fans that have dedicated our time and money to decorating downtown KC to show our support, to buying Royals gear and wearing it as much as possible and to watching every game this postseason. We are the fans that have never stopped supporting the Royals despite the long losing streak. This season, we finally got to see something amazing, showing us that all our dedication was not for nothing. We truly deserved to win this, both players and fans alike. Of course I am upset. I cried so hard for everything. For all of the torment and teasing I had suffered in the past for supporting a “losing team.” For the players. I truly had faith in us as a team. And you know what? I still do. We will return. It may not be next year, or even this decade, but we will return, and it will be an amazing comeback. Thank you, 2014 Royals, for never giving up. For showing us we really have a reason to believe in you. KC still supports you. Best of luck in the offseason, and I cannot wait to see what you bring next year.”

And I mean every word.

You go boys. 🙂

Love, an extremely avid Royals fan.

By the way, Tom Hanks was wrong. There definitely IS crying in baseball.

Part 2: The let down.

As you all have been anxiously awaiting, here is part two of my five, possibly six, part story.

If you reference my blog post “23,” I discuss how 23 is described oh-so-fittingly as the worst year of the 20s decade. I still wholeheartedly agree; 23 really was the worst year I’ve had so far. 24 didn’t start out so well, though, either.

Almost exactly one month into my new career, deep down I knew it was not a good fit. I knew that I would probably be looking for a job within the next few years, but I also knew that I needed to work really hard to keep my job, regardless of how little I enjoyed it. I was, however, blindsided when I was fired, two days before my 24th birthday, with no reason given.

Life’s a bitch, ain’t it?

I made the embarrassing trek back home, my desk items all packed in my car, realizing that two days before my 24th birthday, I was unemployed. Talk about a good “Happy Birthday.”

I felt like it was the lowest I had ever been. It’s sad to admit it, but I sat around and cried like a baby for several days. Sure, I knew that it wasn’t a good fit, and I knew that it was probably going to wind up being better for me in the long run, but I couldn’t deny feeling like a failure. Anything anyone had to say to me, encouraging me that I will find a better fit, telling me how smart/intelligent/successful I am, giving me the “everything happens for a reason” spiel, cut even deeper. Nothing could help.

I wish that I could say I held my head high and went through life kicking ass and taking names as usual, but let’s be real. I’m human. I’m not unbreakable, I’m not the constant optimist I wish I could be. I’m not a character from an uplifting movie. Life gets me down sometimes, and this time I felt like I was shoved into a muddy ditch and then run over by a car.

Obviously I survived. If I could go back, I would tell my two-month-ago self to stop being so upset and to just see what would come my way in another month and a half.

As best as I could, though, I pushed through my birthday weekend. I had some amazing family and friends supporting me, and it meant the world to me. There were several breakdowns and multiple moments when I thought life couldn’t get any worse (those which I will discuss in my next blog post 🙂 ), but things started looking up for me eventually.

Cliffhangers. Don’t you hate ’em? 😉