Tag Archives: friendship

The adopted aunt.

Last blog was 11 days ago, hey! I’m getting better at this thing!

I won’t get too far ahead of myself. I’ve done this before..

Anyway.

Today is Veterans Day, and though I am super appreciative of everything that they have done for myself and this country, that is not what I am focusing today’s blog on. Maybe an idea on a future blog, however..

Today one of my friends gave birth to her baby girl!! I find myself super excited, as this is the fourth time I have become an “aunt,” and I can’t wait to meet her!

Why are you putting “aunt” in quotations, you may ask?

Well.

Because I am an only child, I will never be an aunt (by blood, at least).

Now, there are MANY things that separate life experiences of those with siblings from those who are only children. Honestly, that is a blog post I’ve been working in my head for quite some time – delving into why being an only child is both a blessing and a curse, the different nuances of personal qualities and attributes I can blame/thank for being an only child…hell, I’ve probably already written about it and forgotten. Regardless, be prepared – an entry will be coming soon.

Before I ramble too much…as I was saying, there are many things that differentiate a person with a larger family/siblings from someone like me, who is an only child and has a small family. The fact that I will never be an aunt by blood is something that I somewhat struggle with. If I don’t have any children of my own, I will never have the joy of sharing any DNA with any child, ever, actually; and because I do not have any desire to be a mother, well, basically, I have zero DNA connection to the future. I will not share a special bond with a child, one of those bonds only family can have. Quite frankly, that hurts me.

I have always, throughout my childhood, called people my sisters, brothers, cousins, relatives…that are of distant association. I have claimed people as my family by choice. Just because there is no bloodline shared, does not mean that a family by choice is any less meaningful.

It does, however, raise some questions.

I’ve been asked on multiple occasions why I call my friends my sisters, or why I call my friends’ children my nieces and nephews. I know that not everyone can understand why I am quick to call myself Aunt Calli, or why I am not more of a home body and yearn to spend time with those I am close with. It is simple – I want a family.

Before we all jump to the conclusion that my ovaries are on overdrive, that is not what I mean. As I have stated before, I honestly do not feel that I am going to be a mother. Again, this subject could be its own blog post – about how people shame women who don’t want to be mothers, for feeling as if something is wrong with people who don’t choose to have children, etc. I will be writing on this at a later date as well. No, I do not have a maternal instinct, a desire to raise a child of my own. But I do have a desire to be an aunt and still play a role in children’s lives, especially to those children that are being raised by my friends.

I have a huge heart. I place my family, boyfriend and friends in the utmost regard. Though I am human and sometimes make mistakes, my friends should always know that I love them – if not, well, now you do.

And I love your children. I will always vow to be the “cool aunt,” the one that takes them for a weekend and spoils them rotten, the one that remembers them on their birthdays and wants them to join us when we spend time together (though forgive me if in the future I also want us to spend time without kids 😉 ). Just because I am not choosing to be a mother myself does not mean that I dislike children. That is absolutely not true, and will never be true. Period.

I see my relationships as a privilege, and will always take my title as Aunt Calli, the adopted aunt, seriously.

So. In conclusion, should you feel that your child needs an auntie, by all means – I will be more than willing to adopt them into my tribe of nieces and nephews, and I will love them dearly! But for now, I have two lovely nieces (both named Aurora, ironically!) and two lovely nephews – (you guys know who you are) – and though I don’t get to see them/their mommies nearly as much as I would like, I am so happy to be a part of their lives. Thank you for understanding, and welcoming me into your family 🙂

Love,

Aunt Calli, the adopted aunt

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Part 3: It can only go up from here.

So, this is going to be a hard entry for me to write.

Not hard in that it’s emotionally difficult to think about, or that I don’t know what I want to say about it; I have plenty to say on the matter. It’s a matter of explaining how I felt without disclosing too much detail to avoid backlash.

Hmm. I guess I’ll try.

Well. I left off last post with my birthday weekend and how it was a difficult weekend to get through. What I didn’t reveal about that is how my birthday weekend got even worse. (Yeah, it’s possible.)

I’m not going to throw my boyfriend under the bus. I know plenty of people who read this know him and I very well, but no one needs to know the specific details of our relationship outside of the two of us. Every relationship is different. We have times when life is amazing together, followed by “rough patches” of being irritated/annoyed with one another, picking fights over small things, arguing, etc., just like every other couple on the planet, and we still love each other.

What sucks, however, is when the rough patches happen in the midst of other life-altering events.

For him, I think, seeing me so upset after losing my job and dealing with some other personal issues all at one time was hard for him. I was quite emotional and depressed, to be frank. Of course, in the almost-year-and-a-half we had been together at that point, we had seen our fair share of ups and downs and gotten through them together. This was just a whole different level. Instead of promising to work through it, we somewhat drifted. I was frustrated at him for his lack of understanding and he didn’t understand how to handle my emotions.

It was a very trying period on our relationship, and I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it.

On top of thinking I was about to lose someone I really love, I also had a falling out with a close friend. Again, I do not want to disclose too much information and throw anyone under the bus, and I will not mention names. However, when I lost my job, living arrangements were severely altered, causing a major rift in that relationship.

All I can really say about that it, sometimes two people can’t ever see the situation in the same light. The phrase, “there are two sides to every story,” is the absolute truth.

I wish I could say relationships, whether between friends or between couples, are easy and effortless. They are not. The weeks after my birthday definitely showed me that. I learned that sometimes the people we love are the ones that can disappoint us the most. I learned that every relationship has high points and low points. I learned that both parties have to work together to make things work. I learned that sometimes, certain events can cause harm to relationships that may never be fully reversible.

Obviously my boyfriend and I are still together. That’s the great thing about the “rough patches”; when two people care enough to get through them, it builds strength in their bond. I’m not going to end on some “love conquers all” cheesy note. But truth be told, it does feel great when obstacles can be overcome. My friend and I are still working on mending things, and I know that will take time. But, after overcoming my birthday weekend and the month and a half of unemployment/disappointment/turmoil that followed, things really did start to look up.

That’s one of life’s blessings. It is constantly moving, up and down, all different directions, and you have no idea where it will lead you next 🙂

Stay tuned to find out! 😛

The right to grieve.

I’ve been on an unintentional blog hiatus. My deepest apologies; I haven’t had too much to write about until recently, but due to being overloaded with work and emotional obligations I’ve been too busy to post.

The past week and a half I have been forced to realize just how short life is because of the untimely passing of someone who was too young. You constantly hear that children are “supposed to” bury their parents, that it’s the “natural order” of things. It’s not something you think you’ll be doing at the ripe age of 23, however.

One of my best friends had to say goodbye to her mother less than two weeks ago, something that shocked all of us closest to her. Your parents are people that are supposed to be around forever, people that will always be there to answer your questions when you need them or to help you out when you need it. Losing one is something that shouldn’t happen until you’re older and have had years to appreciate them and all that they have done for you.

Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. I can’t even imagine what my friend and her family are going through right now, which is why I have been challenged, emotionally-speaking, the last week and a half. I have been grieving in my own way, feeling a little out-of-balance and upset. At first I was really conflicted. I didn’t believe I had the right to grieve. She wasn’t a family member of mine, she wasn’t close to me; sure I had met her several times, and I have several fond memories of her, but she wasn’t mine to grieve.

I expressed these feelings to one of my friends, to which she replied: “Sometimes I think we feel guilty for grieving, but everyone has the right to grieve.”

That made me think a bit.

Not only was I grieving for my friend and her family, I was grieving for myself. And I had/have the right to. Sure, she wasn’t my family; but she’s someone that had been a part of my life, even if for a brief time. It’s never easy losing anyone, no matter how big or small a role they played in your life. The right to grieve for the loss of a person is something everyone has, and something that no one should ever feel guilty about.

My grandmother has always been an advocate of taking responsibility for and power over your own emotions, and not allowing anyone else to tell you otherwise. I guess this is an area in which her advice really applies, and I should’ve listened to her sooner.

So, as a conclusion; I will allow myself to feel these emotions without feeling guilty about it. After all, feelings and emotions are part of what make us human, right? So, as a basic human right, it is something I will take responsibility for and power over, and I will not feel guilty for doing so. Everyone handles things differently in life; it’s up to you to decide how you want to think about, feel about or react to those circumstances.