Tag Archives: health

Back to the future

Hello, fellow bloggers, I’m back! At least that’s the plan…it’s been quite awhile since I last blogged. So, quick re-cap:

1. After my grandmother passed away, it was kind of a hard time. Living here in Kansas, very close to where she grew up and grew her roots, I was (and still am) often reminded of her absence.

2. I started a weight loss journey called 21 Day Fix Extreme and actually succeeded! For that time…I made a transformation that I could notice, and I was super proud of myself knowing that I stuck with it for 3 weeks without fail! It was so motivating, yet…somehow didn’t last. And the weight struggle continued..

2.  Mid-July, I was let go, once again, from a job I had for less than a year. I think it hit me hard because it was a job I liked, with people I really liked. In the end, though, it really wasn’t the best fit for me. They didn’t have the funds or room for a position for me in that company, and I was the youngest person in the office, so it was not a place for me to flourish and make personal relationships whatsoever. I think it happened for the best, but it was still pretty awful to realize that once again, for the second time in a row, I was without a job right around my birthday, and I was turning a quarter-century old. Cue the movie scene of that young girl walking in the cold, pouring rain, no umbrella…yeah, you get the picture. Disheartening to say the least.

3. Never fear, I found a new job!!! Woo! And this time it was BEFORE my birthday! Don’t want to reveal TOO much about it, but let’s just say that I found a company that had a TON more people my own age, a larger office, opportunity for advancement, etc. Not exactly my dream job, but I met some new friends and it has been pretty good!

Now, fast-forward to today. I have been in my job for a couple of months, only out of training for a little over one month. My apartment lease with my boyfriend starts on Dec. 1, and we are very excited! Still, I find myself not very happy with myself.

I can’t really explain in words why I have so much trouble with dieting. Maybe it’s just because I, like most human beings, just really enjoy food? But that obviously can’t just be it. Maybe that combined with a slow-ish metabolism, the fact that I crave sweets and fatty foods quite often, and the fact that I just don’t have that great of self-control apparently. Yeah, that probably explains it.

It’s really time that I change that, though, I am getting ready to be in a friend’s weddin and I am HORRIFIED at myself. I am currently at the heaviest I have ever been, and I am honestly miserable.

I realize I have posted like this before, made declarations to devote myself to a healthier lifestyle and that I am “changing for the better,” what have you.

Well, now I REALLY mean it.

I am human, however. Maybe this timeI should go ino my journey realizing tht I will make mistakes, I will fall, and I will have bad days.

But I also have a support system that will help me.

That’s where you come in, my friends.

Some days will be easier than others for me to eat better and focus on my workouts. Some days will NOT. On those days, I ask those of you who know me to PLEASE offer words of encouragement and advice. It wold be most appreciated.

Now, some of you may be wondering, why on earth did she name this post ‘Back to the future’?

The answer is simple: It is time for me to get BACK in the habit of preserving myself, my health, my well-being, for the FUTURE. The future is unknown and not promised; but I can tell you that I will look back on these 4 years of weight loss struggle, and I will feel shame and guilt. I will realize that I should have been MUCH more attentive to my health and my well-being, and that I should have taken care of ME.

It’s never too late.

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Expectations

I considered titling this “Great Expectations” instead, but really didn’t feel like quoting the title of a book I haven’t even read yet, let alone write a misleading title. No, this post does not have to do with the novel.

Anyway. At times I think I have higher expectations for myself than others do, and sometimes I feel that I don’t have high enough expectations of myself. Typically the latter. I do want great things for myself, but I realize that I often don’t do everything in my power to make those wants a reality.

Expectations. Noun: “A belief that something will happen or is likely to happen; a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be.”

They can surprise you, they can change over time, they can become reality to make way for new ones. They can be something that makes or breaks you, whether accomplished or not.

They say “if your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough.” I admire this quote for its truth value. It implies that you should expect something great of yourself, and work for it.

Really, I’m just using this as a motivational post for myself. I have been slacking in several areas in my life; fitness, health, job, relationships. Sometimes it’s so easy to get stuck in a rut and think that you’re so far off that it’s not even worth it to try and start realizing the expectations you once had.

Not. True.

There is no better time than the present to start changing. Eventually, today turns into a memory. Today turns into a part of the past. Everyone has to start somewhere, so why is now not right?

Excuses, that’s why.

Excuses are the undoing of it all. They are also not in short supply. You can find one for any occasion, really. Not feeling motivated? Blame it on anything but yourself. Failed a test? Blame it on the teacher making the test too hard. Lost a sporting game? Blame it on your teammates.

In the end, you can only be accountable for yourself and your own actions. Excuses can only get you so far and can only be used so many times before others see you as someone who just can’t be responsible for their own mistakes. Sure, sometimes things are not actually your fault. But the majority of the time, this is actually not the case; we just flat out don’t want to be accountable for our shortcomings.

I will be the first to admit that I make excuses more than I should. I have made multiple grand, sweeping declarations that I’m going to start working on such-and-such aspect of my life that I wind up giving up after a short period of time, blaming it on not having enough time to do it. The reality is, if it’s something that means enough to you, you will MAKE the time for it to happen, make the time to make those dreams and expectations of yourself a reality.

Most of the time I’ve done this with exercise/health goals. I say I’m going to start treating myself better and I get lazy. I say I’m going to start eating right and/or exercising more, and it does last for a short while…before it slowly dies away like the fading light of a sunset.

My goal right now? To stop doing that. I’ve started the Insanity workout program (another grand expectation I had for myself last year, before quitting three days into the program…not exactly a shining moment for me. #embarrassing…). This time, though, I am really hoping I can motivate myself to get through it. I am wanting so badly to stop making excuses for myself, and my laziness with my health is something I have been making excuses for for awhile now.

As someone reading my blog, clearly you either know me personally and care about me, or you randomly stumbled upon it (and by now probably find it a waste of time…sorry dude). If you are the former, or even if you are the latter and want to participate in my plea, I ask you to help respect and encourage my expectation of myself. I will not rely on this; it will merely help me stay motivated and encouraged, knowing that other people out there are on my side. In return, I will promise to help you with your expectations.

Obviously I have many other expectations for myself. This one, however, is one that I am really trying to focus on at the moment. Taking it one day at a time. Not something I’m very good at, but life’s all about personal growth and betterment, right?

Weight a minute..

See what I did there? Ha ha. Sometimes I can be pretty punny..

Anywho. Well, I guess I have debated this blog post for a couple days, and I figure that if I’m going to keep a public blog about myself, I may as well get into some of the personal stuff. So, here goes..

I have been battling with weight and body image issues for quite some time. Some of it has been unwarranted, while some of it has been my own fault.

No, I am not saying that I’m obese; I’m not. I am roughly in the healthy weight range for my age and height, maybe a little over. (‘m not going to tell you specifics of my weight or BMI, because frankly, that’s just asking for all sorts of comments I don’t want or need.) I fluctuate often with my weight and my fitness abilities, due to switching back and forth from periods of motivation to periods of laziness. It just happens. I won’t make excuses for myself, because it is what it is; my body image and my diet and exercise choices are for me, myself and I to figure out on my own, thank you.

I am saying, however, that society puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on women today. There’s this overwhelming pressure to constantly look good; not just when it comes to fashion, but when it comes to weight and body types. Small waists, the ever-so-mythical thigh gap, being “big where it counts”–we’ve all heard these things for years. Media is constantly putting these things in the minds of young girls at a consistently younger and younger age as the years progress.

Now. I’m not going to make one of those sweeping generalizations, like “all females are effected negatively by the way media portrays women,” or “every girl wants to be thin and fit.” I will say, that for the most part, women, especially younger women, do want to look and feel good about themselves. That is my experience, at least. For some women that comes easy. For others, it does not.

I can recall at the age of six sitting in my driveway and noticing that my legs jiggled a little bit when I moved them. I remember then calling myself the “f-word”; fat.

This is the part where I really wish I had a photo to prove that I wasn’t fat at a young age. All those photos are packed away in a box somewhere at my mom’s house. I’ll just have to trust that my audience will take my word for it — I was a thin, very healthy girl at that age, and for my entire childhood I was quite thin actually, thanks to a childhood where I was encouraged consistently to eat healthy and have plenty of physical activityin my daily routine. But, that’s not exactly my point. My point is: What little girl should be calling herself fat? What little girl should be looking at herself with such a judgmental lens while she is still in the single-digits age-wise? None! (Unless she really is obese due to poor eating choices…again, not quite my point.)

The point of this post is not exactly to point out that some families do not raise children to be healthy and active, though that is the case. Some children grow up to be young adults that have positive body images of themselves, whether or not they fit the healthy or skinny body type. The point of this post, however, is to say that I personally think media has way too much of an influence on peoples’ self-images. (That and an abundance or lack of a nurturing environment — again, not my point).

Let’s face it; some girls are fortunate enough to be born with the unattainable thigh gap, while some work their butts off (quite literally) trying to achieve it. Small waists with wider hips? Some women cannot attain an hourglass figure, especially if the genes just aren’t there. Just because you don’t have one criteria from the superficial “perfect woman appearance” checklist does not mean you should be written off as unattractive.

I’m not going to end this with a promise that “from this day on I’m going to do this and that to fix myself/my body image” or “I’m going to boycott media” or “I’m going to boycott any products that promote such outrageous notions that women need to be perfect.” Let’s be real; I watch way too much television and I’m an avid consumer. I will end this, however, by saying that us 20-something women need to stop listening to those commercials. Because, at the end of the day, when you turn those commercials off (really, do it), you are stuck with yourself. You, and you alone, are the only opinion that truly matters. Do what makes you happy. If you want to eat healthy, exercise and look better, then do it for yourself. Don’t do it because every model featured in the latest fashion magazines looks like an airbrushed, photoshopped goddess(..oh wait…that’s exactly what they are…hmm..). Do it because you deserve true happiness, regardless of what number the scale reads or whether or not your thighs touch. When you can finally look in the mirror and say you are happy with the way you are, then you know you are doing it right. You need to take control of your own life and your own body. Because you, my friend, are beautiful, just the way you are.